Witness Him Now
It's raining today and as much as I love the rain, this morning I was so annoyed y'all! I walked into my bathroom (to potty), sat my hiney down and water began hitting my thigh. My roof was leaking!! A lot! HOW ANNOYING!
As I went to the kitchen to grab a bowl, the Lord reminded me of a scripture.
Proverbs 27:15... a quarrelsome wife is as annoying as a leaky roof in a rainstorm.
I felt convicted Immediately, friends.
This weekend I was blessed to go with friends to the Women of Joy Conference in San Antonio Texas. I got to worship, fellowship and the Lord used Mighty women to teach great lessons all weekend long.
I would love to say that I took every second to bask in the glory of our Father... But the truth is that, although I learned so much, I spent the better part of the weekend trying to make sure that my husband did exactly what I thought he should be doing. and when I wasn't saying it to him via text or call... I was telling him what he ought to do in my heart.
This was my list (and it is a short one y'all)😜
- go take pictures of our daughters at the homecoming game
- fix the window in the bedroom
- keep the animals and children alive (haha)
- go hang out with one of our friends that I just KNEW had a word for him from God
The thing is sweet, sweet woman of God, The more I tried to control what my husband was to do the more annoyed he became. The more annoyed he became the more we argued. This took my peace and it took his too. When I was able to back off and let God move him in the direction that he wanted my husband to go... Freedom came.
I pray all the time that my husband would be a leader in my home. I know that I have friends out there that do the same. How often do we ask for a leader and when God tries to bless us with a Mighty Man, we take control?
Stop it! Don't be a leaky roof in your marriage!
Get out of God's way ladies and let him do his amazing work in your man. I promise, God has good plans for you and He has good plans for your marriage.
If this is you friend, turn quickly and repent, hug your husband tight and apologize. Then watch God bless your marriage.
Love and hugs
Keep your lives free, from the love of money and be content with what you have because God has said, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you."
God has said never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.
It doesn't matter how big your storm is, it doesn't matter how big the waves are, it doesn't matter that you haven't seen the sun for many many days. The only thing that matters is that your God is bigger than your storm, bigger than your problems and bigger than your worries. Your big God has said, never will I leave you, never will I forsake you. Start telling your big problems how Big your God is, instead of telling God how big your problems are.
I am currently in the worst storm of my life, I was almost certain that there was no way I would survive this storm. I was sure I was never going to see the light of day again. But, a very wise young man reminded me of the awesome God we serve. With his help and guidance I was able to lift my eye off of the waves threatening to overwhelm me, and lift them up to see the most glorious site in the world... my loving God standing with an outstretched hand, waiting for me to let him guide me through the storm.
Even though the waves are still breaking over my head and the wind is still thrashing my little boat each and every way, I now know I have always had the back up I needed and with that I have taken on the fight with the liar, the cheat, the murderer and the lowest of lows. My God has given me authority to overcome the power of the enemy. Until I reminded the true enemy, Satan about that, those were only words. In reminding him and taking the fight to him, I was able to take my focus off of the storm and focus on my God.
Remember who you are in Christ. Remember the promises that the Good Book left to us. Don't let the enemy make you feel like an unworthy, second class citizen. You are a child of the living God, brought free by the precious blood of the Lamb. don't ever forget that. Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning o dance in the rain. Remember the things you take or granted, someone else is praying for.
On a recent and much needed vacation to the beach I found myself at a Kroger in Bridge City, Texas. Vitamin water in hand, standing in the 20 item or less check out, I glanced behind me to see a man standing in line behind me. A very subtle thought crossed my mind, " He's going to lose his arm." It wasnt loud or booming but it was very clear. So, my next thought was, "Lord, I can't tell this man he is going to lose him arm. He will think I am crazy." So I checked out and left. I got to the car and told James, " Honey, God told me that man in there is going to lose his arm. I don't know what I am supoosed to do about it." I never saw this man again. When I got home from the trip I was still perplexed by this information that the Lord had intrusted me with. So I prayed, " Lord, what is it that you wanted me to do?" I couldn't get the man off of my mind and I couldn't help but think that I, in some way, could have saved this man's arm. The next day I went to my friend Terri's house and she said, " I go to read to youwhat the Lord has been telling me." She said, "Go to John 5. " And there is was!!!
Afterward Jesus returned to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish holy days. Inside the city, near the Sheep Gate, was the pool of Bethesda, with five covered porches.Crowds of sick people—blind, lame, or paralyzed—lay on the porches.One of the men lying there had been sick for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him and knew he had been ill for a long time, he asked him, “Would you like to get well?”
“I can’t, sir,” the sick man said, “for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me.”
Jesus told him, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!”
Instantly, the man was healed! He rolled up his sleeping mat and began walking! But this miracle happened on the Sabbath, so the Jewish leaders objected. They said to the man who was cured, “You can’t work on the Sabbath! The law doesn’t allow you to carry that sleeping mat!”
But he replied, “The man who healed me told me, ‘Pick up your mat and walk.’”
“Who said such a thing as that?” they demanded.
The man didn’t know, for Jesus had disappeared into the crowd. But afterward Jesus found him in the Temple and told him, “Now you are well; so stop sinning, or something even worse may happen to you.”Then the man went and told the Jewish leaders that it was Jesus who had healed him.
That is what the Lord wanted this man to know. " You are healed! Pick up your mat and walk and sin no more or something even worse may happen to you!"
I will, most likely, never see this man again and that is not the point. If God wants to save this man's arm and more importantly deliver this man from the sin in his heart the God will. God is bigger than me and no plan of His will be thwarted. The point is God is training me. He is training me in boldness and he is training me to be a respector of Him and not man. My prayer is that if He places me in a postion to be His hands and feet again (and I know He will) that I will be bold and obiedent to what he is asking me to do, trusting completely that he will give me wisdom as to what to do or say. I pray that I wont let the fear of what people think get in the way of what God is asking me to do. And I pray the same for you. Blessings to your walk with Lord.
I have been struggling with thoughts off inadequacy (feeling not good enough), believing the lies I tell myself for a while.
I am a horrible mother: I fall short in other people's eyes and in the eyes of my little girls. I work hard to provide for them and give them what they want and need. And it goes unappreciated and often even unnoticed. If I miss a practice or can't figure out a math assignment, I quickly become "one of those bad moms" in the eyes of other moms and teachers. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE.
I am disliked at work : I go in early, I work hard. I meet and exceed goals. I help people and try to treat others as I would like them to treat me. I am an outcast. Alone in an office full of people that wish I wasn't there. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE.
I am a bad neighbor: I can't control my dog. He keeps getting lose and chasing people. I am a horrible pet owner. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE.
In my relationship: I failed in marriage and now the fear of falling causes me to fail in my relationship with James. Am I going to get hurt? Am I good enough? What if he sees my flaws and decides I'm not worth the trouble? I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE.
As a friend: My friend calls and needs help and I'm spent... nothing left. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE. Or worse she comes by and clearly my house reflects my busy life. Crazy and out of order. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE.
As a church member: I can't go to church. The stares seen to confirm what I already know about myself and are piercing into me like a knife. I don't deserve to be there. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE.
As a daughter: Life happens and I can't keep up. Mom, employee, girlfriend, friend, daughter, church member. And I realize it's been a week since I've talked to my mother. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE.
This world says I'm late, I am a show off, I am alone, I am rejected, I am weak, I don't matter, I am a victim, I have regrets only, I am a bad mother, I talk to much, I am different, I am unworthy.And I am hurting and I'm mad because I know the truth, but the world pulls so hard.
The truth is: I am enough! I am never too much! I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of GOD! I am chosen! Blessed and highly favored! HE is in control and HE knows the plans he has for me. I was created for him, by him! It's like the harder I try to be good enough the tighter the ropes become and I realize I was never in control to begin with. This PRIDE is slowly killing me. I let go of the ropes and they fall off! I say Jesus help me! I'm guilty! And peace fills my heart. I will choose today to draw my worth from GOD. I am HIS. I won't worry about tomorrow. In this life I will fall, I will fail, I will fall short but I have a beautiful Savior that loves me and redeems me and in this moment I choose to draw my with from Him.
As I laid on my bed curled up in a ball I was consumed with sadness, my whole body physically hurting, I thought to myself, " I can just sleep through this." Tears poured down my face and drenched my pillow as I reached for my phone. "Somebody help me! I don't want to feel this way!" I called my friend, seeking godly counsel. I explained how overwhelming the sorrow inside of me was becoming and how "the old Leia", before Jesus, would try my hardest to sleep these fears away. I listened as she read me scripture after scripture, determined to speak truth into the darkness with in me. I then made a choice that would change my life forever... I peeled myself out of my bed, grabbed my pillow and blankly, and got in my car. I drove to my spiritual mothers house and curled up in her bed, still struggling to overcome this emotional pain. Her initial response was, "Get up! Do not give into the enemy." I laid there sobbing, shaking my head and whispered, "No, I just need a hug." She stroked my hair as she wrapped her arms around me. And prayed. She then said to me, "sing". I replied, "I can't sing, my heart is not singing." She told me I can't let the enemies inside of me win. I sat up slowly and began to pray out loud as tears flowed like rain down my face. " Lord, fix me, I'm broken. I don't know what to do. Speak to me please. I am so sorry for not trusting you and allowing this sorrow to consume me. I need you Jesus!". And just like a ton of bricks it hit me and the Lord spoke clearly in my heart.
"Leia Ann, when you are sad or depressed you are dwelling in the past and when you are nervous or anxious you are fearing for the future. I have given you peace in the moment."
Hallelujah! God told me I don't have to be sad or worry!! The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with JOY!
So now I recognize it when it tries to sneak its ugly head back in and I have a choice. And I choose peace in the moment. What a blessing! You can have peace too. Just crawl up in the arms of Jesus. He holds every tear in his hands. And he has already provided for you what you need. Rest in knowing he is good and he has amazing plans for you today, in this moment.
Happy New Year to all of you! May the Lord bless you this 2014. I pray that the Lord would teach you HIS ways that you may live according to HIS truth and that HE would grant you purity of heart so that you may honor HIM. In Jesus Name.
This year I decided not to do a New Years resolution. I looked up the statistics. Here goes.. 50% of resolution-makers fail by the end of January and 9 out of 10 quit by March. So I prayed and prayed about it and God asked me to pick one word for the year. One Word. This word could be anything, the fruits of the sprit, integrity, ect ect.
For some reason right when I began to pray CONTROL, popped in my mind. No!! I told God this can't be my word. Haha! So I thought of all these other cool words like compassion, friendship, love and then I went to sleep. I woke up this morning and prayed like I do every morning and I was anxious to tell God the words that I had come up with. I couldn't remember any word except CONTROL. So needless to say, the Lord chose my word for me.
I can't wait to see the journey he takes me on this year through the word CONTROL. I understand there will be many lessons through this word. I have struggled with CONTROL my whole life. But let the battle begin, I know God always wins and he will come out on top this year! I pray that this word will strengthen my relationship with my Savior and that it will produce many fruits and grow me spiritually. Thank you Jesus for just one word.
The story you are about to hear is true. You may doubt it. You may think to yourself, “ It's too terrible – too tragic. It has to be made up.” It’s not. I know this because it is my story. My name is Leia, and I’m 32 years old.
I was born into wickedness. My mother was married and then divorced for the 3rd time because of her pregnancy with me. I was not her husband's baby. My mother was a lost woman. There is no better way to say it. As Christians, we use the term loosely to describe anyone who does not truly know Christ. My mom was lost in every sense of the word. She definantly didn’t know Christ, but she also didn’t know what she wanted or how to get what she wanted from life. She had no clear picture of who she was as a person or a mother, and she taught us the same vague, unpurposeful way of living. If she knew there was a God, she was choosing not to make Him Lord of her life, and she taught us to live the very same way.
As a child, no matter how bad your home is, and it was bad, you still want to please your mother, even if that meant taking care of her during one of her mental breakdowns. A major childhood memory of mine was when I was 11. I came home from school to find my mother had overdosed on medicine and had cuts all over. I called 911, but she wouldn’t go to the hospital without Katy, her cat. I remember sitting on the couch crying and saying to her, "If you love me why do you want to die? I need you!" My mother, by the time I was born, was a recovering drug addict. Perscription pills had taken the place of alcohol and much harder drugs. She was an addict none the less. I think that she believed that the pills would numb the pain, and I am pretty sure it did most of the time. Some of the men she dated or married were also hooked on drugs. I have two siblings by a different father and countless step-fathers and boyfriend “father figures”. That kind of lifestyle invites unspeakable evil into your life and home – the home where her children lived. And so, depravity became our way of life. During the downs of her ups and downs, I was tossed from one place to the next. I was abused mentally and physically. As I grew older I became promiscuous, and I got involved in alcohol and drugs to make it all go away. It was an incredibly corrupt environment. We were living below the poverty level – surviving day to day life that often felt “not worth living”. There is a word I didn’t know then that fit my home life perfectly, Iniquity. Iniquity had an open door in our home.
By the time I was 13, my brother, 10 years older than me, was now in prison, and my sister, now graduating, joined the military. I'm certain she wanted to run as far away as she could. So there I was, left alone to take care of my infantile mother. The sicker she became, the more I rebelled. I ran away and stayed gone for days getting drunk, missing school. I discovered a group of friends that used drugs and I felt a commonality. We were all broken. My mother finally decided that I needed help, and she sent me to an all girls children’s treatment center. I went from no structure to complete lock down. I rebelled even more. I was so confused. In this place EVERYONE is dignosed with something and medication is the solution. This began my 14 years of prescription pills use.
At “New Life”, the treatment center, I was inprisioned - like a caged animal. A tall barbed wired fence surrounded 6 buildings. I was in the maximum unit. Unsure of how to get out of this, I acted in rage. They placed me in a room by myself, alone once again in my thoughts. I was the unwanted one, the throw away kid. I spent a month in this padded room before I realized what I was doing wasn’t working. It wasn’t enough to be honest about your pain or your feelings. That was not what these people wanted. Just barely coming into my teen age years when other girls were finding themselves and their independence, I began learning how to please people. So I did what they wanted me to, like a robot. The medicine began to numb any real thoughts or feelings, and the truth became watered down. I was in this bubble. They told me when to eat, when to shower, when to play. I learned to show no real emotion. If I was too happy then that meant I was likely to lead a more carefree life full of danger and unhealthy lifestyle choices, but prolonged sadness would lead to depression which is not healthy either. I learned suttle hints of when to smile and when to be slightly disappointed. I lost myself little by little. One year later I was placed in a Upper Subarban neighborhood with my new moms. Yes, Moms. Dorothy and Shannon.
In this home there were 12 other kids. I was to stay in a garage turned into a bedroom with 6 other girls of varying in age. By this time I had mastered my defense. Run. And that’s what I did, I ran. When things got hard I wouldn’t stick around, they couldn’t keep me. I would leave and run to whatever boy seemed to notice me until the cops came and took me back. I remember wanting to have a baby so bad, somebody who wouldn’t leave me. I was out of control and before long nobody wanted to deal with me. At 17, I was emancipated. I was on the streets, sleeping wherever I could lay my head. Most nights that meant culverts or allies. On my 18th birthday, in 45 degree temperatures, I hitch-hiked from Austin to Brownwood, Texas. The guy in the driver seat introduced me to some drugs I had never tried...meth. This life opened up a whole new set of people. People who accepted me and had fun. And with nobody to tell me what to do, I felt free for the first time. It wasn’t very long before this drug had complete control over me. This new found freedom was short lived and before too long I realized I was not free, but trapped in my addiction.
In my addiction I was willing and forced to do many unspeakable things. I remember longing for a connection with men like the ones I saw other “normal” people enjoying. But I felt trapped inside, alone and afraid. My addiction was preventing me from enjoying real relationships with others. A year into my addiction I met a guy. He was handsome and charming. I gave him my heart completely. He promised me the sun and the moon and the stars but pretty soon he became very abusive. I was convinced that I couldn’t leave him. In my mind I would never make it. I needed him. This went on for a couple of years until finally I had our first child, Chelsea. I looked into her beautiful eyes and for once I felt like I had a purpose. I was a mom. I yearned to give her all that I had lost and all that I never had in the first place. The only problem was that I had no clue how. I loved the best way I knew. Her Dad and I were still using, and by using I mean using drugs, using people, using whatever we could in order to get what we wanted. Two years later I had Layla. So now with two little girls, it was us against the world! The abuse had gotten really bad and it was not uncommon for a television set to barely miss the baby in one of his fits of rage. At 2:00am a loud voice in my head screamed, “Get out!” I remember the fear like it was yesterday. I called my mother in Austin and she came in the middle of the night. She made arrangements for me to go to rehab and then enter a battered women’s shelter. There the girls and I lived for six months
I stayed “clean” for about 6 months. My desired to fill the empty hole inside was bigger than ever. I now faced this big world with two little girls and I was paralyzed with the fear of doing it by myself. I doubted myself and that if there was a God that he could help me. So I tried with all my might to do what seemed to be impossible. Function.
I moved into my own place with the girls. During one of my trips back and forth to Brownwood, I met a guy. Within a week he moved in, and we became inseparable; however, we were still making bad choices and there would be consequences. The state decided I was an unfit mother and sent the girls to live with their grandmother. I panicked. How could I let this happen? So I moved to Brownwood and “cleaned” up. I got the kids back and I vowed to never let it happen again, and I have been clean from meth ever since. Unfortunately, pills took the place of the other, and we soon learned that we could make great money selling them. This went on for years. Everyone around us was getting in trouble. And in 2011 so did the guy I was with. In 2010, he sold to an undercover cop, and in 2011 he was arrested. Our relationship was very broken at this point. We loved each other the best we knew how. We both came from hard family lives, and we were doing the best we could with what we knew to make things work.
I remember stumbling in to a little Baptist church in Bangs, Texas. I don’t know why I chose that church. I had no ties there, and I had only been to church a handful of times over my whole life on “emergency visits”, usually this was a desperate attempt to fix a hurt or get out of some bad way I was in. But this time was different. There was a lady speaking at the pulpit. I really didn’t understand a word she said. All I knew was that I wanted what she had. Something inside was urging me to go to the front, but I couldn’t get my feet to move. But at the end of service when they did what is called “alter call”, I made myself go and sit in the front pew next to this lady. And I cried and cried and cried. She silently wrapped her arms around me and prayed. She stood in front of me both hands on my shoulders and asked me “Do you want Jesus?” I then replied “Yes, but I can’t.” Because in my heart there was no way I was good enough, and if the Christian people knew all that I had done, surely, they would judge me. But she would not relent. She looked into my eyes, I could see a sincere concern for my soul and she asked me if I was a sinner. I sobbed and said “YES!!” We prayed together and I asked Jesus into my heart and into my life. Since that day in August of 2011, Jesus became my Lord and Savior. That lady was Terri Tidwell, my new mother in Christ. God used her that day to save my life and to start the restoration of my broken family. So much has happened since that day in little Bangs, Texas. I am truly a new creation. There is no better way to put it. My hope through my testimony is to spread the love of Jesus, and to help people overcome the lies we have believed our whole lives. There is healing in Jesus' Name. I am living proof. The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy. Blessings! Leia