Witness Him Now
I have been struggling with thoughts off inadequacy (feeling not good enough), believing the lies I tell myself for a while.
I am a horrible mother: I fall short in other people's eyes and in the eyes of my little girls. I work hard to provide for them and give them what they want and need. And it goes unappreciated and often even unnoticed. If I miss a practice or can't figure out a math assignment, I quickly become "one of those bad moms" in the eyes of other moms and teachers. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE.
I am disliked at work : I go in early, I work hard. I meet and exceed goals. I help people and try to treat others as I would like them to treat me. I am an outcast. Alone in an office full of people that wish I wasn't there. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE.
I am a bad neighbor: I can't control my dog. He keeps getting lose and chasing people. I am a horrible pet owner. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE.
In my relationship: I failed in marriage and now the fear of falling causes me to fail in my relationship with James. Am I going to get hurt? Am I good enough? What if he sees my flaws and decides I'm not worth the trouble? I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE.
As a friend: My friend calls and needs help and I'm spent... nothing left. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE. Or worse she comes by and clearly my house reflects my busy life. Crazy and out of order. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE.
As a church member: I can't go to church. The stares seen to confirm what I already know about myself and are piercing into me like a knife. I don't deserve to be there. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE.
As a daughter: Life happens and I can't keep up. Mom, employee, girlfriend, friend, daughter, church member. And I realize it's been a week since I've talked to my mother. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE.
This world says I'm late, I am a show off, I am alone, I am rejected, I am weak, I don't matter, I am a victim, I have regrets only, I am a bad mother, I talk to much, I am different, I am unworthy.And I am hurting and I'm mad because I know the truth, but the world pulls so hard.
The truth is: I am enough! I am never too much! I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of GOD! I am chosen! Blessed and highly favored! HE is in control and HE knows the plans he has for me. I was created for him, by him! It's like the harder I try to be good enough the tighter the ropes become and I realize I was never in control to begin with. This PRIDE is slowly killing me. I let go of the ropes and they fall off! I say Jesus help me! I'm guilty! And peace fills my heart. I will choose today to draw my worth from GOD. I am HIS. I won't worry about tomorrow. In this life I will fall, I will fail, I will fall short but I have a beautiful Savior that loves me and redeems me and in this moment I choose to draw my with from Him.